Adventures in Best Friending

So on the internet there is an endless bounty of "best friend" quotes, I spent some time looking at them and decided that they are all crap. The quotes about being nice to each other and showing love and compassion? yea, obviously those people have never been a BEST friend before. I on the other hand know exactly the kind of physical and emotional abuse that us best friends go through on a count that I have a best friend... her name is Becca.... Hi Becca... okay, lets continue.

Best friends are people who taunt you with thing's you don't have and desperately want (a Harry Potter wand from Olivanders in Harry Potter World) and it's okay to tell them to go fuck themselves.

Because you still love her even though she's a bitch for rubbing it in your face. <3

When you are actually with your best friend, which let's be honest is 99% of the time, most the time you guys are probably being less than perfect angels. Depending on your age that could range from sneaking a hoard of high school boys into her basement to watch the movie Star Trek while trying to not wake her parents up, all the way to running away from drunk men getting a little too friendly on spring break at Panama City Beach in Florida. BUT REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME you always stick up for each other and stay together.

Another thing that best friends do is insult each other. We don't do it as a defense mechanism, we don't do it because they were mean to us and hurt our feelings, we just do it because its funny to remind your best friend that she's retarded for catching her pinky on a boat while jumping off of it and completely shattering it so that it's permanently bent. It's really funny to watch her do the "I love you" thing with her hand, you know it's like the rock and roll hand symbol but with the thumb out? yea, it always looks funny because she cant straighten her pinky.

So real best friends are both physically and emotionally abusive to each other, but thats because we know we wont honestly hurt each other's feeling's or emotionally scar one another. We're bitches to each other because we love each other.

This is a blog, a blog about things... I think?

I, Michelle Grote, having been raised in a Kentucky home, do solemnly swear to always drink sweet tea, never bake or cook from a box or a bag, always stay relatively fashionable (unless my reality starts to slowly melt around me and the only thing that will make it better is cookie dough and a lack of pants), never spend stupid amounts of money on things I can live with out (until they go on sale that is), always cheer for the CATS (regardless of the sport), and always keep an open mind, heart, and arms.

With that being said I also love a good game of ultimate Frisbee, I’m obsessed with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, Star Trek TNG, Firefly, the walking dead, and now (no thanks to Netflix) Breaking Bad. I also love all Mario video games more than anything and Zelda ocarina of time is my shit but, having grown up in a Kentucky home with a mother who’s life goal was to be a southern bell, I learned how to act and appear as lady like as possible even though as you can tell from the preceding statements that I am by no means a proper lady. Now don’t get me wrong, I really do only cook and bake from scratch, and I can DIY the crap out of some crafts, and I enjoy all of it, but I will dive face first into a pit of mud in order to catch a Frisbee. The hobo sleeping in the middle of the football field that I tripped over when my friends and I played glow in the dark ultimate could not make me drop the Frisbee. God himself could not have made me drop that Frisbee. 

On a completely separate note, I LOVE FOOD. It doesn’t really matter much what you put in front of me, because I will eat it. If I don’t like it, I’ll take 6 more bites then stop eating. If I DO like it, please be sure to keep all small children outside of a 5 food radius of my mouth while i eat. When I’m sad, food is the only thing that makes me happy. I have literally almost pissed myself in excitement from food before. I got to eat Antelope at a fancy restaurant once. It defined mouthgasm.

Having grown up in Kentucky (not near Louisville thank god) I had no choice but to attend UK from the thousands of lady boners that I had acquired for this school over my life span. So here I am, at UK, a freshman, not really sure what the fuck I want to do for the next 40 or 50 years of my life (Hey, its a big commitment, I want to get it right from the start), so I decided to write a blog instead of studying and doing homework. Don’t judge, you look at Reddit, Facebook, and twitter just as much as I do.

Hopefully you will enjoy my blog, if not, no offense taken, except I actually secretly hate you and will tell Santa not to give you Christmas presents. But! For those of you who enjoy this first post there are more random post’s to come! Some may be about successful cooking and baking experiences that I wish to share with you, or horrible kitchen disasters that will make great stories to tell your grandchildren, some may be about a great cat sweater I found on sale on some black market website, but most likely I will tell you about my adventures in both social and physical awkwardness, hey, I may even put up some very poorly drawn illustrations of these adventures, so enjoy.